The absence of a parent creates a deep emotional void. To cope with the loss, some daughters might idealize the parent, creating an exaggerated, positive image of who they were or could have been. This can stem from a subconscious hope that the parent was good but just unavailable or misunderstood.
The abandoned person's continued defense and idealization of her parents, despite their past actions and current behavior, can be understood through various psychological theories. All of the theories, however point to the idea of an unhealed person (The abandoned person) who will benefit greatly from therapy.
Attachment Theory suggests that early relationships with caregivers shape individuals' expectations and behavior in relationships throughout life. Even in cases of abandonment or neglect, children often form strong emotional bonds with their parents. This fundamental need for connection can lead individuals to cling to the idea of their parents as ideal figures.
In The abandoned person's case, she may have developed an insecure attachment style, particularly an anxious-preoccupied attachment. This style is characterized by a strong desire for closeness and fear of abandonment, driving her to defend and idealize her parents as a coping mechanism against their neglect.
Cognitive Dissonance theory explains how individuals experience discomfort when their beliefs conflict or when their behavior contradicts their values. To reduce this discomfort, individuals may rationalize their behavior or beliefs.
In The abandoned person's situation, acknowledging her parents' neglectful or abusive behavior might create emotional distress. To avoid this discomfort, she may idealize them, convincing herself that they are exemplary parents despite evidence to the contrary. This helps maintain a consistent narrative about her past.
The need for validation and approval from parents can also drive individuals to defend and please them, even in exploitative situations. This need for acceptance may fuel The abandoned person's behavior of defending her parents despite their faults.
Additionally, concepts like Stockholm Syndrome or trauma bonding suggest that individuals can develop emotional bonds with their abuser, intensifying the attachment despite mistreatment. This may contribute to The abandoned person's defense of her parents, rooted in fear, love, and dependency.
Understanding these psychological dynamics, including intergenerational trauma and concepts like splitting and idealization, can provide insight into why your The abandoned person continues to defend her parents. Therapy may offer support in exploring these complexities, helping her develop a healthier perspective on her relationship with her parents and make decisions that prioritize her well-being.
These psychological dynamics can influence how these daughters approach romantic relationships:
Seeking Familiar Dynamics
They might unconsciously seek partners who resemble the absent parent in personality, behavior, or emotional availability, hoping to "rewrite the story" and heal the original wound.